My First Teenager...

In the hubbub of Magnut's Taco acquisition we were reminded by one Miss-D that her 13th birthday is this week. Guess what she wanted...a Parakeet.

Saturday evening after we got Taco settled in Miss-D began her assault on our senses...she got us while we were weak and held on like a dog with a bone. At some point one of us said, "FINE, if that is what you want it's yours...now move along and let us be...for the love..."

10 minutes later she took back up the assault..."You have already won...what do you want!?!"

So, in a moment of weakness we allowed her to "research" parakeets on-line. ROOKIE ERROR.

Every frickin 5 minutes she was popping in to our room to tell us some bizarre parakeet fact...something about how the name means "tasty treat." She also managed to find one of those militant Parakeet lover sites that tells you things like:

--If you don't buy a very young bird, one who has been hand raised, it will never love you

--You must take your bird to the vet within the first week. It will need an MRI, Chem 7, EKG, Bone Density Scan, Colonoscopy, Blood Gas Panel, Glucose Tolerance, Liver Function test, and an Ultrasound. Skip any one of these and you will go straight to hell for not loving animals.

--This bird cage will not do:

You must get something like this:

Even if you only have one bird...it will appreciate the variety of having two spacious homes. Should your parents cheap out and buy the first cage...don't be surprised when your bird develops cabin fever, goes completely insane, escapes from its cage and pecks your eyes out while you sleep.

--Do not purchase any "food" from the pet store. It will kill your bird. You must order our special book Potluck For Your Parakeet. It has everything you need to know about preparing your bird the 16 small square meals a day it requires.

****

So Rob took her to Montgomery to buy the bird and all of the stuff you need to have a bird. There are all kinds of little started kits you can buy...to bad they don't have one for parents for their first teenager. Something like zit cream, a cell phone with a tracking device, and a 5 year supply of Valium.

Today we start a new era...Happy 13th Birthday Miss-D!

Taco Taco Taco...

Magnuts got a very special reward for doing something above and beyond.

He spent the night away from home, with a non-relative, for the first time a few weeks ago. Before he left I reminded him that he was not allowed to do anything at his friend's house that he was not allowed to do at home.

When I picked him up the next day he seemed fine until he got in my car. Then he just broke down. The little boy had not spent a lot of time playing with him. I asked Magnuts why this was and he told me that the little guy had been playing a video game most of the time. I wanted to know why they had not played a two player game together...that is when he really lost it...turns out that most of the games the kid had were rated M for Mature. My children are not allowed to play those games...and Magnuts didn't.

I was stunned. I could not believe that he made that choice...a really hard choice. We decided that we really wanted to make an example out of this...to reward him in some way that would make a huge impression on him and his siblings.

Enter Taco the hamster and all of her hamster stuff. I was anti hamster until I saw this:

You can even buy a little track for this thing...how funny is that. We are waiting on the little car...but went ahead and got her a hamster ball. It seemed kind of cruel at first...then she got the hang of it and looked like she enjoyed it.

She can really get going in that straight shot from our office, through the kitchen and into the den. When the end of the road, or as I like to call it..the wall, comes into view she hits the breaks.

She also spends an amazing amount of time on her little wheel. Magnuts has been paying particular attention to this...apparently he thinks that we could wake up one morning to a "really buff strong hamster" capable of breaking out of her cage and killing us all.

I think he is kidding.

Mother Of The Year

Friday after school MonkeyBoy told me he wasn't feeling so well...my answer to him..."Suck it up, we gotta go to the store."

Saturday morning, at or around the butt crack of dawn, I was up to get Miss-D ready to go take the ACT...MonkeyBoy groaned and told me his still felt crappy.

Our only option is really the Urgent Care center. It is a really nice place but the waiting time can be 4 or 5 hours. I figured that if we dropped Miss-D off and shagged right on over to the doctor we might be early enough to get in and out quickly. My experience from working in the hospital was that the drunks and/or anyone between the age of 16 and 25 would be sleeping until at least 11am no matter how crappy they felt.

We get dressed and haul Miss-D to the school for her test. It was just as strange as I thought it would be. All of those high school kids were standing in line, bleary eyed, sucking on a coke and holding their car keys. Miss-D was bright eyed and bushy tailed...clutching her little back pack that her Mommy had filled with Capri Sun and snacks.

Then it was off to the clinic. We were not even close to being the first ones there. I had totally forgotten about the older folks...the only people on earth who get up as early as mothers with young children.

When we got to the waiting room there were 4 couples ahead of us. These people had to be in their 80s and had clustered together to chit-chat about the reason for their visit. It looked like some kind of weird group date. People started streaming in steadily after we arrived. This guy who I think may have had TB sat right behind us...I thought I was going to have to be really rude and move but luckily we were called back before I could do it.

First to triage...the place where I got my first indication that I would be nominated for an award...MonkeyBoy had a temp. of 102.5

Then the nurse asked him how long he had been feeling ill..."A couple of days...maybe 3 or 4."

Oh Crap.

What a look I got. Never mind that he had not told me that he felt bad 4 days ago.

We were led to a room and he was swabbed for a quick strep test. The doc came in and she was really sweet as she told me that he was positive for strep. A scrip for antibiotics was written and we were headed out to the office to pay up when I said..."He was at school yesterday...and I can't believe I told him to suck it up."

The doctor said, "Well hey, Mother of the Year!"

I guess she realized that she sounded like a giant beee-ach....cause she quickly told me that her sister had done almost exactly the same thing and that afterwards had labeled herself Mother of the Year...

I kind of felt bad for her; she really didn't mean it in a snotty way....

**** Stay tuned…tomorrow I will be introducing the two new residents of Reeves Farm

About Yesterday's Post...

Most kids are still taking the ACT their Junior or Senior year. Miss-D was invited to participate in a special program sponsored by Duke University.

****NOTE: Mom, I am adding this little notation to point out my restraint…because your friends read this. There is a great joke here…something about an overzealous prosecutor, a skank and a dozen or so hypocritical professors. Thing is it is not yet 7am and I can’t put it all together without it being completely inappropriate….so you are welcome. ****

Anyway…this program seeks out children who scored well on the Stanford Achievement Test. I am guessing that they want to see how well these kids will do on a test that is not designed for their age group.

I looked at the prep stuff and the math section really worries me. To do well in that section you really need to have had Algebra, Geometry and at least Trigonometry. You can’t just read the question and try to reason out an answer. If you have never heard of the Quadratic Equation you cannot hope to recognize the situation in which it would be needed to solve the problem much less apply it correctly. Surely they do not expect these kids to be prepared to do math at that level.

The English and Reading Comprehension I get. She should be able to handle some or most of that. The science section seemed possible with a little applied logic and luck.

I am concerned that her expectations might not be realistic…I am worried but it was her choice to take this test. She does not seem the least be nervous or anxious about it so maybe my worry is for not. Perhaps she only wants to take it to freak out the older kids. She will be walking into the high school portion of her school Saturday morning to take this test with a large group of juniors and seniors. While they are digging through their wallets/purses to find their driver’s licenses to show proof of ID she will be flashing a year book with her 5th grade mug shot…I can see how that would appeal to her…

Gonna Need To See Some ID...

Miss-D will be taking the ACT Saturday morning. I was just looking through some of the related paperwork and noticed that she will need to provide a photo ID.

Ahem...she is 12. I remembered that she has a passport and let the worry go...until I thought about the fact that it is 9 years old. She looks a little different now.

The paper did say that a year book photo would suffice. I forked out $30 for her to get one in 5th grade...and lost my frickin mind when what showed up was a 40 page, paper back, piece-o-crap. If it gets her into the test it will have almost been worth it.

There is a girl in her grade who acutally could provide a driver's license. How goofy is that? If you have your 16th birthday while still in middle school you should not be allowed to drive. Any person who has made such crappy choices that at 16 they have lunch with a bunch of 12 year olds sucking on juice boxes and telling booger jokes obviously does not have the judgement to be opperating a 2 ton vehicle.

/rant over....

Auntie Em....

When I picked the FlyingMonkeys up yesterday they told me that the Principal had announced that they would need to watch the news today to make sure the start of school was not going to be delayed.


We don't get cool "weather days" down here. If we wake up and see the name of our school scrolling across the TV screen we are in trouble. In the 8 years their schools have only closed for two reasons: tornados and hurricanes. Boo.


It was 80 degrees here yesterday and they are predicting a "light" freeze tonight...no wonder the weather is nasty.

Time to batten down the hatches and hang on...see y'all tomorrow.


***Is anyone else using Blogger having trouble with spell check? Mine has not worked for a week...just wondering...

Bonnie Plants Likes To Mock Me...

Friday Magnuts brought home an item that the very site of brought dread to my heart. Not bad grades, not a letter from the Principal...a cabbage plant.

The bane of my elementary school existence, as a mom, the Bonnie Plant cabbage program. Crap.

Miss-D and MonkeyBoy both brought them home in 3rd grade...and I killed them both...the cabbages that is.

It might have worked out fine...Magnuts has a short memory...I could have planted it in the yard and he would have forgotten it...so its certain death would not have been a huge issue. Except that my brother-from-another-mother (my first cousin Andrew) happened to be visiting Friday. He happens to work for the devil Bonnie Plant company. He saw the dang thing and started telling Magnuts all about the $1000 he could win if his was the biggest in our area.

Magnuts was on fire...$1000...he was dreaming of Pokemon cards and whoopie cushions. The word "Scholarship" does not compute...he does not get that he can't just take a wad of cash to Wal-Mart.

So now the pressure was on me. I was trying to explain to Andrew my history with the stupid things. He told me just to leave it the little pot for a while and then plant it in the yard some place.

Well that is how Cabbage#1 bit it. They will not last in their little plastic pots for very long...and a month is definitely too long.

I told Andrew that I could not just go dig a hole and plant it in the yard. Our dogs are attracted to anything having to do with fresh dirt and will roll all over it killing the plant. I know this because that was the fate of Cabbage#2.

Andrew suggested that I go get some wood and BUILD a little raised garden....ahhhh....no. I told him that I would just throw it in one of the planters I already own.

Andrew: You know these things get pretty big...

Me: Not mine...

Andrew: Really, Laura they get huge. I don't think those pots are going to be big enough...

Me: What evah....

Shaking his head he got on my computer and pulled up pictures to drive his point home....

OMG.....

This was not even the biggest one. 40lbs is the AVERAGE size of one of these fully grown.

To make matters worse Andrew called Magnuts in to see these pictures...all the "OH WOWs" coming from my office attracted the other two FlyingMonkeys. When they laid eyes on the pics...well let’s just say...awkward.

MonkeyBoy: Ummmm, Mom...is that the same kind I had in 3rd grade?
Miss-D: What's this business about $1000...I didn't hear about that...
MonkeyBoy: I thought you said they were only supposed to live 2 weeks...

So with a heavy heart I am off to buy stuff to try and keep this thing alive….oh and some candy or something for the older two so they will stop giving me “the look.”

Super Bowl Comercials....

There have been years when I actually had to get up during the game to get a drink because the game was mediocre and the commercials were must see. This was not one of those years.

There were a few that stood out...I loved the tire commercial with the screaming squirrel. The squirrel screams, every animal on earth screams and then the lady in the car barreling towards it screams. This was a good commercial...had it showed a little puddle of squirrel urine after the car missed it...it could have been great.

I also loved the Doritos ad with the mouse that rips through the wall and beats the crap out of the guy. I am sick that way…one of my favorite shows of all times was the “Happy Slapsgiving” episode of How I Met Your Mother. There is just something about grown men slapping the crap out of each other.

The other tire commercial where the driver speeds up when he sees Richard Simmons in the road…also a good one.

There were a few others that we thought were funny…but it just wasn’t like it has been. We ended up seeing tons of local commercials. Crap that comes on ten times a day during lunch time programming…junk. There should be a law. No commercials will be shown during the Super Bowl unless they meet certain criteria; they must be brand new and they must be funny.

I do not want to watch the two guys that do food service for Samford University talk about how they choose BCBS as the insurance for their employees. I have guide info on my TV…I KNOW that Sara Conner Chronicles are coming on tonight at 8 central…you do not need to remind me 15 different times. Are the NASCAR people forgetful…do they really need you to remind them a dozen times that there is a race coming up?

What commercials did y’all like?

And The Winner Is....

Career Day was a hit. I can say this with some certainty...the little monkeys vote on their favorite speaker. I swept the 3rd grade and I did it against this lady who was really fighting dirty....she brought in puppies. I have no idea what her "career" was but puppies are hard to beat.

I don't know about the 5th grade yet...I don't have a kid in that grade so I don't have access to the exit polling data. I did notice that some of them had been given some kind of little toy...from the speaker that is an Accountant. I didn't need no stinkin toys....

I wowed them with my mad photoshopping skills.

They loved this goofy logo I did a few years ago. This lady sent me the pic of the moose antlers and the one of her horse and wanted them combined.

They also like the web pages I made for Magnut's and Miss-D's softball/baseball teams. I didn't make one for MonkeyBoy because I didn't like him at the time...kidding...his knee was hurt and he couldn't play.

Have a good one!