Feed The Beast...

A few details I didn't share yesterday....The wreck was all my fault. I taunted the "Comes Back To Bite You In The Arse" beast...twice.

It all started about 5 months ago when we bought Rob’s new car. I believe I have illustrated my issues when it comes to buying a car…and that was a used car…with a new car everything is exponentially worse.

Picture if you will the mighty lioness, shaking prey in her powerful jaws until it is dead. It’s like that but with a 5 foot tall, fluffy mother of 3 instead of the lioness…and she is gripping the “prey” a good deal lower than their neck…and only “shakes” them until the salesman agrees to her terms/conditions. Once the salesman is on the same page as the “lioness” he is released…until the lioness realizes that there are no floor mats in the new car…

While the salesman licks his wounds the lioness gloats over her new floor mats, free tank of gas and the beautiful detailing job that had been done on the car….

This is not even the part where I poked the Beast….it came in the details. We were sitting with the finance guy finalizing the paper work when it happened…

FG: Ok…ummmmm….just a sec, I know the paper is right here somewhere (hard to flip through a thousand pages of paperwork when one of your hands is under the desk protecting your “crotchal area.”)

FG: Ok…here is the extended warranty…

Me: No.

FG: Alrighty…um…ah..ok..this is the form for Gap Insurance…a very valuable thing if you ever total the car…

Me: Do you see the word “sucker” written on my forehead?

Y’all, I know I have a problem…I do. I am one of those people that has trouble telling others “no.” I even have trouble expressing myself when I feel like I am being screwed around…unless it involves the purchase of a car. Something about that brings out the VERY worst in me.

So I poked the Beast a few months ago…it was nothing compared to what I did last Wednesday.

I was sitting in my Insurance Agent’s Office discussing my “new” car when these words came out of my mouth:

"What the hell, neither of us have had a ticket or an accident in the 13.5 years we have been married...raise that deductable...that extra $40 a month will make all the difference...."

Yes. I. Did.

Moral of the story:
Poke the Beast…hit a horse.

On a funny side note…Yesterday while Rob was on the phone with one of the 4 million people you have to talk to after an accident like that, our caller ID beeped. The display on the phone said, “Unavailable” and Rob clicked over. The conversation went a little something like this:

Caller: Yes, this is the Montgomery chapter of PETA and we are calling regarding a report of equine abuse.

Rob: Huh?

Caller: We were informed that early this morning you struck and killed a horse.

Rob: ….

Caller: Our information says that you hit the horse causing it to land on your hood, roll over your roof and then off the trunk into the highway. It further states that you then put your car in reverse and backed over it, put your car back in drive and ran over it again…

Rob: IS THIS FOR REAL??????

Caller: I assure you Sir that we take claims of animal abuse very seriously..

Rob: OK..WHO IS THIS???

It was my brother…and it was a good one….

(Just so you know…Rob only hit the horse once…and there was nothing he could do to avoid it…)

Hope you all have a wonderful and SAFE Thanksgiving!