I remember 7th and 8th grade as a total nightmare. I don't think that there is anything meaner than 12/13yo girls. Miss-D is the exception. Sure she can drive us to absolute insanity, make her brothers actually consider homicide....but she will also be the first one to give one of them a hug.
She wears her heart on her sleeve and is absolutely baffled when someone is mean to her for no reason. I have explained to her that I remembered how in 7th grade girls would be enemies one week and best friends the next. This truth does not make her feel any better because she just does not understand it...it does not seem logical to her.
A few weeks ago a friend did something absolutely cruel to her at lunch. When I picked her up from school that day I could tell something was wrong. I asked her about it and she said she needed to talk to me privately. That is our code for "as soon as we get home we go to my bedroom, shut the doors, flop on my bed and talk." She told me about it and that she had written her friend a letter telling her that, "what you did today was mean and hurt my feelings; until things change you are on "friend probation"."
I was so tempted to tell her that was the wrong thing to do. That telling the girl how much she had hurt her made her looked needy and that could make things worse. Kids that age will see that as a weakness and go after her even more. But I didn't.
I wanted to tell her that those kids are idiots, I wanted to go find them and kick their butts, I wanted....to do a lot of things.
I was not like that as a kid. Even though it often bites her in the arse Miss-D is willing to tell people exactly how she feels..hurt, angry, sad....I wanted to tell her to stop doing this, to toughen up and not let it get to her. At some point I realized why I was not like her when I was a kid, why most people are not like her...because it is too scary. Putting your feelings out there like that takes a kind of courage that I can not imagine.
She tries out for everything...cheerleading, choir, plays....and today...right this second...basketball. Does the fact that she has never picked up a basketball stop her, no. During the practices a girl told Miss-D that she would pay her not to come back for tryouts.
My fearless girl. My girl who writes the most amazing stories, dreams up the best games and loves us all so much. She is at this moment running around the gym with her heart right there on her sleeve....So....let me introduce you to the bravest person I know:
13 comments:
She is absolutely beautiful, inside and out! And I love her sense of humor. Who gives themselves rabbit ears? She sounds so much like my daughter, and I know exactly what you're talking about. In fact we had a lunchroom confrontation ourselves recently. I was never a fickle teen so it's hard for me to understand the other girls, too. But it's nice to know that my daughter, and yours, feel comfortable enough with us to come talk.
My heart breaks for Miss D - I couldn't be PAID to be in 7th & 8th grade again, girls that age are SO CRUEL to each other!
Thanks for this post, it is very encouraging.
What a beautiful little girl. I can completely understand where you come from. I hated that too, the clicky thing when I was in school. Little girls (even big ones-beleive me I know) are mean and vindictive. YOu have to watch them. You are probably right, I think that girls are naturally jealous and question their own self worth-societies fault. That is why, I as a child, hung out with a group pf guys. They took care of me and we never got into silly arguments. My only daughter is 9. She too has experienced that difficulty with other girls. She too just doesnt understand it. There are about 4 girls in her neigborhood (one a ring leader) that is so competive with my child and makes up stories about her. She flat out lies and tells the other girls these lies and they go along with it. My daughter, like I did, figured out too that i t was easier to hang out with the boys in the "hood". She has her dramatic girl enduced tears when she gets hit while scoring a touchdown in teh front yard, but she gets back out there and runs the ball. (She also cheers for her school).It is sad that this pettiness has to exist in girls. I think many times the parents do not curb the behavior (as is the case of the ring leader in my neighborhood). But I know one day what once was quite will be trouble for her parents.....
Have you seen "The Hand that rocks the cradle" movie. SO many times, I get a streak of Rebecca Demornays charater, when she goes on the playgournd at the school and confronts a child that is mean to someone she babysits. She takes that kids arm, twist it around and threatens-it never happens again. Of course, I would never do it-I know child abuse-but as a parent, when your child it hurt you get into your defensive mode. BUt, your child and mine are leanring alot about themselves in the process...about being a better person, about how cruel the world can be, how to handle the situation-and how to walk away from bad treatment. Give your cutie a big hug from me.
Lastly, I laugh everytime you say "arse". It is kinda a fmaily joke with us and use that with my teenage son when talking about my cousin who I adore. She uses that all the time, literally. OR sometimes it sounds like "Ice". She lives in Glencoe, AL. Boy, it brings back such funny memories....
ok, it seems I have "rambled' long enough.sorry to get so long winded.
~lbratina.blogspot.com
Ooooh...the boys are gonna be knockin and callin soooooon!
Wow, she is gorgeous! And so incredibly brave! Seriously...I never tried out for anything because I was too afraid of rejection. Good for her!! And yes, girls that age are JUST mean. She is taking it so maturely!
Do you mind if I tagged you??? Cause I did.
Awesome. I hope my kids are as likable during those years.
Oh, how my heart aches for her. I remember the cruelty of that age as if it were yesterday. She IS brave, may she always be.
have you ever gone this long w/o posting? are you OK?????
She's really pretty, which may be part of the problem. It won't be a problem with boys, but it could piss girls off a little.
You do need to tell her not to put that kind of stuff in writing though, that's advice that will last a lifetime!
I am soo proud of her!!!! I think that is fabulous what she wrote! I think she doesn't even give a hoot how the others respond b/c she made her peace!!!
I never tried out for anything b/c I thought you already had to know how to do it! i only ran track b/c a fabulous middle school coach made me do it!!! AMEN!!! ( i can say that after surviving the chicago marathon....and finishing!)
Lindley and Jason were heading out for Indian Princess camp, he asked her what the main thing she is to remember this wk end? She promptly responded "don't play with the mean girls!" We looked at each other and high fived in our heads!!!! He then said, well, that is wonderful, but I also need you to remember that you girls should not write on the walls at Camp Skyline or even let your friends, because we will be kicked out if it happens again!
It is even starting in first grade! i had 7 messages on our phone when we got back in town from a 1st grader, the last one said, oh yeah Lindley, i forgot to tell you thing 1 and thing 2, (the names have been changed to protect the underaged!!!) are mad at us, and they are going to chase us on the play ground on tuesday! I didn't even tell her about the calls, only told her to let her friends know that we dont' allow her to talk on the phone in first grade, unless it is about school work. We are usually playing outside!!!! take that mean girls!!! sorry for such a long post, just know what it is like, and we have three girls!!! We have a house rule, and they must tell anyone who comes to play"we don't talk bad about others, or say anything that would hurt somebody else."
hey leigh, wanted to let you know i so agraee w/ you about the parents! we live in a VERY social community, like, i heard my own daughter say she likes x country club better than y country club!!! WTF?!?!?! we arent' even members at a frickin CC!!!! But, i will say this, the parents that roll there eyes, and say, well, they are just being girls, are the ones who need to go ahead and sign up for therapy, birth control, and a get out of jail free card!!! My oldest is in first grade!
RockingPony-this is one of my favorite pics of her..I also loved that she gave herself rabbit ears. We are both lucky that our girls will come talk to us!
Betti-me too...I hated 7th and 8th grade.
Leigh-Sounds like you have a very lucky little girl! And I do fight the urge to snatch some of those little brats up by their hair. They are so nice to my face...I am not sure what I would do if I ever actually witnessed one of them being rude to her.
Magaret-they already do. God help us. While she seems to put up with a lot from the girls she brokes absolutly NO bull from the boys.
Kellyo75-thank you so much! I am going to let her read all of these comments and I think that they will mean a lot to her.
Kristi-Thanks!
Jennifer-me too...as hard as it is it will not be me that teaches her not to tell people how she feels.
Willowtree-thanks...I have had thoughts along the same lines..but because she is mine it seemed biased. I will pass along the "not in writing" bit!
Katfish-you have to quit drinking so early in the morning...kidding. You are in for it...3 girls...wow.
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