BadKitty and KillerBees

Lately the dogs have been just loosing their minds at night. Barking at something or someone in the woods behind the house. I went to our Hunters to discuss the possibility of poachers...

Turns out we do have one...a giant, deadly feline poacher. The Hunters told me that we have a panther that is 6 feet from the tip of it's tail to its nose.

What! Aren't they those big cats at the zoo behind the giant fence to keep them from jumping on you and eating your face?!?! Apparently, yes...and the Hunters advised me to make sure the FlyingMonkeys are inside the house before dusk.

Oh and uh they like to sit up in trees and wait for food to come walking by...then they jump on your head and rip your guts out.

Other than the obvious problem with this have y'all considered how hard it is going to be to keep an eye on the ground for snakes and an eye in the sky for BadKitty?!?!

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I may be letting it get to me....this is how I go check out things in my yard now:

Slip out the back door....ease it shut. Look left, right, and left again...no panther...breath. Tippy toe..tippy tippy toe over to my car...back pressed against the house.

Oh crap...did I look under the car, could it be under the car waiting to sink it's giant bloody claws in my ankles like that sicko little dead kid from Pet Cemetery!!!!!!

Keys! Keys! Crap why is my purse so frickin big...

Make it into the car, lock the doors...cause you know panthers are known for their mad car door opening skills.


Drive around the house through the yard to check out this "weird" thing the kids saw in one of the trees.


Whatyaknow...there is a weird thing...a hornet's nest about the size of a large watermelon. When did my yard turn into some freaky episode of Worlds Deadliest Places?

I return to the back door and do a little tactical crawl back into the house. What do you do about a hornet nest? I did what any rational person would do...called my mechanic's son.

My Mechanic'sSon tells me that he has heard that in the winter bees can not fly...that their wings will not work. He thinks I should just climb up in that tree and cut that sucker down...Uh...what????

That is sooooooooo not why I called him....He was supposed to tell me that he would be over here later and would just cut it down for me. There is not even a remote possibility that I am going to shag my fluffy little behind up a ladder to cut down a giant nest of KillerBees...because he heard they couldn't fly in the winter from some bartender at Dwan's.


Cause, hey maybe they can't fly...but if I am stuck up in a ladder by this NestOfDeath and they can still just walk... I am in trouble.


Poor Magnuts can't do anything anymore...One errant golf ball and he is in a swarm of KillerBees...his screaming would attract the hungry face eating BadKitty....ok...so I am borrowing trouble but it could totally happen.