I was all nice and freshly showered, sitting at my computer in my nightgown. My bare feet where swinging a few inches above the ground (I am short y'all) as I happily completed the editing of our family cookbook.
MonkeyBoy had just finished his shower and was walking through my room to toss his dirty clothes in the laundry room. That is when I heard something that did not seem real. Words that you NEVER EVER FRICKIN want to hear yelled in your house....
"SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE!"
Ohhhhhh......shite. Every bad dream I had as a kid was coming true...the snake had come from UNDER my bed. It was moving away from MonkeyBoy's bare feet and right for mine.
Some part of my barely functioning brain must have realized that I had to kill the thing. Allowing it to escape would mean that in my mind it would always be somewhere in my house.
I started yelling for MonkeyBoy to throw me a shoe...
The snake was inches from my feet when MonkeyBoy tossed me the shoe, the commotion caused the snake to turn and head back for him...
I thew the shoe at the snake...missed, but the snake turned around and headed back in my direction. MonkeyBoy retrieved my shoe and this time I didn't throw it, I held it in my hand and smacked the ever loving crap out of the snake.
Rob was still 45 minutes from being home...that is exactly how long the "dead" snake laid on the floor in front of my bathroom. I use "sarcasta-quotes" because I find it so difficult to tell when a snake is dead. Consider the time that I went through an entire box of shells because the snake kept moving.
If something is dead IT SHOULD NOT KEEP MOVING. I need the death of a snake to be a little more definitive...maybe they could burst into flames or turn to ash.
Rob arrived, picked up the snake, and walked into the bathroom with it...
HE WAS GOING TO FLUSH IT!!! Oh hells no...I would never be able to use our toilet again.
The thing is now in the woods...
***
And now a quick "Thanks" to my Mom.
Yesterday when I called you to tell you about the snake that I had JUST killed...I appreciate you reminding me that where you find a baby snake there must be a Mama and the other babies...
Also the bit about not scooping up laundry from the floor, "because they could be hiding under it..." Thankyou.
I know that you only told me all of that because you love me...I hope one day I can return the favor...Love ya!
MonkeyBoy had just finished his shower and was walking through my room to toss his dirty clothes in the laundry room. That is when I heard something that did not seem real. Words that you NEVER EVER FRICKIN want to hear yelled in your house....
"SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE!"
Ohhhhhh......shite. Every bad dream I had as a kid was coming true...the snake had come from UNDER my bed. It was moving away from MonkeyBoy's bare feet and right for mine.
Some part of my barely functioning brain must have realized that I had to kill the thing. Allowing it to escape would mean that in my mind it would always be somewhere in my house.
I started yelling for MonkeyBoy to throw me a shoe...
The snake was inches from my feet when MonkeyBoy tossed me the shoe, the commotion caused the snake to turn and head back for him...
I thew the shoe at the snake...missed, but the snake turned around and headed back in my direction. MonkeyBoy retrieved my shoe and this time I didn't throw it, I held it in my hand and smacked the ever loving crap out of the snake.
Rob was still 45 minutes from being home...that is exactly how long the "dead" snake laid on the floor in front of my bathroom. I use "sarcasta-quotes" because I find it so difficult to tell when a snake is dead. Consider the time that I went through an entire box of shells because the snake kept moving.
If something is dead IT SHOULD NOT KEEP MOVING. I need the death of a snake to be a little more definitive...maybe they could burst into flames or turn to ash.
Rob arrived, picked up the snake, and walked into the bathroom with it...
HE WAS GOING TO FLUSH IT!!! Oh hells no...I would never be able to use our toilet again.
The thing is now in the woods...
***
And now a quick "Thanks" to my Mom.
Yesterday when I called you to tell you about the snake that I had JUST killed...I appreciate you reminding me that where you find a baby snake there must be a Mama and the other babies...
Also the bit about not scooping up laundry from the floor, "because they could be hiding under it..." Thankyou.
I know that you only told me all of that because you love me...I hope one day I can return the favor...Love ya!
9 comments:
Hey! that's what mothers are on this earth for. You will have you turn.
Barbara
I'd be putting the house on the market.
I would still be scraping my poop off the walls!!
Chuckster
Ummm....now I don't want to come and live with you anymore.
sorry. I still love ya and all but HELL NO.
p.s. - nor do I want your mom to adopt me either. Because her "reminders" would make me cry.
Sigh....
smoochies to you ALL.
all i have to say are one bunny two bunny....katfish
Look at your, Super Momma.
As a country dweller, our house is bombarded and invaded far more than I can stand. Not long ago, a snake somehow got in my car. I had to yank it out with my hands, as my kids were right there. It ended up being a harmless garden snake, but it totally freaked me out.
OMG, I would have probably grabbed the kids and headed out of the house! You're way braver than me!!!
Thanks a million to mom too for those words of encouragement.
OH.MY.GOOD.GOSH.
Pleeeeeeease tell me the snake wasn't under your bed for real tho.
*shudder*
I thought having one in my car was bad enough. But in your house?
Oh heeeeeeeeeeeeck naw.
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