MAGNUTS

My 5yo son was using my bathroom, and in a standard move, left the door wide open. I walked by and something felt off, but in that moment I did not know what. Sure he had his hands on his little wee wee, but then he always did. Something caused me to do a double take, he was standing perfectly still, his face was bright red, tears on the brink; thinking he must have gotten soap down ye ol' willy hole again I look down. Oh sweet God, the little genius had taken these freakishly strong magnets and placed them on opposite sides of his wee-wee. I am talking about magnets that were smaller than a dime, and they had connected THROUGH THE SHAFT OF HIS WEINER! The end of his willy is now swollen and red, tears are falling and I yell for my husband. It was like a scene right out of ER, my husband throws him on the bed and is yelling at us to "clear" as he grips the little magnets trying to break the connection. The tip of said wanker is now turning a dangerous shade of purple, I am saying that we need to get him to the hospital. My husband screams "he will never make it" and in one last heroic move manages to release the magnets (and a small amount of skin). He ended up with two perfect purple circles, one on each side of his wee, a bag of frozen peas a few motrin and he was fine.

And this is how my youngest child became known as MAGNUTS.