Beach Music

Everyone probably has their own version of beach music, for me it was :

And this:

A little of this:

And Mr. Earl of course...

This music puts me right back in my parent's station wagon on our way to the beach. They liked to drive down at night with the kids stretched out in the back on a pallet. The windows were open and the music was just loud enough for us to hear.

Going to the beach with my parents is one of my best memories. The music just brings it all back...we learned to make drip castles, play cards and shower outside. I also learned that if you drink Boones Farm Strawberry Hill you can't get sunburned...but you have to drink it the entire time you are in the sun.

***This research was completed by the adults...

We would go out to the beach in the morning and stay until it was dark. We had sandy pb& js for lunch and if we were very lucky had a burger from Thomases for dinner.

My parents saved their change all year, and a few days before our beach trip was going to end it was divided between the kids for a trip to the arcade. It was a great place, snow cones and ski ball.

I have packed my quarters, my music, my "sunscreen", and am ready to hit the road...hope you all have a great week!

Is it Thursday already?

-I am better, hopefully the Zyrtec I bought yesterday will help get this mess cleared up.

-The cabbage is alive, a Reevesfarm record.

-I taught Margaret Sally a new phrase from the Secret Man Vocabulary.

-I called a complete stranger last night, a person who called me a few days ago looking for some old friends of hers who have the same last name we do. I had gotten a new phone book and noticed that the people she was searching for happened to be in it...her number was still in caller ID so I called her...she was totally freaked out.

-We are leaving for the beach in 2 days and the only thing I have ready to go are 2 boxes of Jelly Belly Popsicles and a few packs of bubbles.

-I am pondering a short sequence of blogs about the births of the FlyingMonkeys...but I can't remember if I have already done that.

Happy Thursday

That is all.

Heinous Boogerilla

Yes I am. The mucal funk that attacked me a week ago is back. It never really left but I thought I was winning, I was wrong. My face hurts.

I wish I had one of those suction athletic cups right now...I would put that sucker over my nose and plunge my sinuses...

The cup is half full...but it chafes like a mutha....

Both boys are playing fast pitch ball this year so I brought up the "cup issue" with Rob. Should they be wearing cups, and what kind, and how do you "size" something like that without feeling like a total perv.?

Rob argued that the only person that should be wearing a hard cup is the catcher...that they are extremely uncomfortable and not necessary for any of the other players. He told me that if I insisted that I should get them something called a "soft cup." Unfamiliar with this I had questions...

Me-How do you wear something like that?
Rob-In a jock just like the hard kind...
Me-So over the underpants??
Rob-No, just the two straps around their rumps and the cup in front..
Me-And then the underpants on top?
Rob-NO, no underpants...

Well how 'boutcha now...no underpants and tight white baseball pants...brings the "did you forget to wipe" issue to a whole new level.

So.......I was in the sporting goods store I thought I would take a look. They have quite a selection. A young SalesGirl, sensing my confusion, came to offer assistance. She started whipping the things out of their packages (ahem) and squeezing them to demonstrate their flexibility. There is a trend towards a less rigid cup, and there was this one that she said could actually create a suction like connection.

Hmmmm...I can just picture it now. Y'all know those little suction cup hooks you can buy to hang stuff on in your bathroom? You know how you wet the little cup before you attach it to the wall so that it creates a stronger connection? Consider the suction athletic cup and the sweaty little boy wearing it...moisture + suction = painful crotchal hickey...if you can unstick it.

The SalesGirl held up another model and told me that it also comes in a size for....wait for it.....WOMEN. Yes, women. I was stunned and then I started laughing...uncontrollably. SalesGirl did not find this funny...."HEY Lady...this is for real, girls can get hurt there too..."

I continued to laugh, tears running down my face. I don't know exactly why this was so funny but her serious tone did not help matters. "LADY...if a girl gets hit there she can BREAK STUFF."

I had to leave.

Since I am probably no longer welcome at that store I decided to look on-line. There is a company called NuttyBuddy...they claim to make the most comfortable cup out there. It comes in 4 different sizes...the Hammer, the Boss, the Hog and the Mongo.

I just don't know if I can bring myself to say, "Hey MonkeyBoy, Mama got you a NuttyBuddy Hammer..."

I am at a loss...Do I go with a SuctionCup and just stock up on baby powder and buy MonkeyBoy a shoe horn? Should I just suck up and buy the Hammer? If you have any experience with this please share.

Cold & Hungry

I have no idea why I just dreamed that Johnny Depp was bald, dressed as a fairy and was chasing me through a pasta buffet.

I do know that just as I was reaching for a fried donut the stupid alarm went off and now I am up and there are no donuts.

****
It was certainly cold enough to snow Saturday but it didn't. It did get extremely windy just in time for me to spend 2 hours at baseball practice with Magnuts.

News Alert: Hell Freezing Over

Not that I am saying that I live in Hell, but today weather is probably similar.

I am all sweaty from unloading groceries and just flipped on the TV to see that we are under a SNOW ADVISORY.

It never snows here, never. Well it has before but not in the last 8 1/2 years. It probably wont tonight either...but for the love...it is 72 frickin degrees outside! They are saying that it is going to get so cold so fast that we can expect up to 1/2 an inch of accumulation.

For my friends from the North...let me tell you what this means. We will absolutely shut down, except for the primer gray Camaro that will be doing donuts in some parking lot. There will not be a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk left in any store within 50 miles. It will be chaos.

I really hope it does snow...I would love for Magnuts to see it.

Tattle Tail Tattle Tail, Hang Your Britches On A Nail...

Hang 'um high hang'um low, hang'um in the picture show....

You want your children to tell you if one of the others is doing something wrong but sometimes they can take it to a point that makes you just want to get a running start and put your foot up their arse.

Seriously, who can remain sane after a weekend of:

He is touching me

She is looking at me

He put magnets on his pecker again....



It was one of those weekends and the last couple of days have just been a continuation. Until 10am yesterday morning...when one of them took it up a notch.

The blessed silence that was helping me nurse my sore throat and aching head was rudely interrrupted by the phone. According to caller ID it was the school. Crap, no good comes from a call from the school.

It was Miss-D, Our conversation went a little like this:

(I was a little groggy from the cough/cold meds)

Me-Wha, huh...what's going on?

Miss-D-Mom....MonkeyBoy did not go to the UN thing.

Me-So, what is going on, where are you supposed to be, who gave you a phone..

Miss-D-I am at break

Me-So how did you get a phone

Miss-D *long sigh* I am in the Office Mom (insert unsaid "Duh" here)

It went on like this for a minute or so, until it occurred to me that if there was really a problem that his teacher would have called me. I pointed this out to her, earning another exasperated sigh, and told her to get her happy arse back to class and stay out of her brother's business...


So, the "FromSchoolTattle" is born. Damn.

***BTW-he was in no trouble, Miss-D was just gettin' her drama on.***

ATTENTION...ALL HANDS ON DECK...

When you hear overhear MonkeyBoy telling Magnuts:

"It's really not that bad...it depends on how you take the hit..."


It is time to run, not walk, to stop whatever lunacy the two of them are involved in.

Putting an end to it as quickly is possible is good...but not a guarantee that you won't end up in the ER for the majority of the night anyway...I cite the November of 02 Incident:

That started off with me saying - "quit running in the house and stop doing flips off the sofa..."


then - "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP RUNNING AND JUMPING ON THE FURNITURE!!!"


then - "Oh shite, what is wrong with Magnuts' leg...."

It was a full ten weeks before he got the cast off that went from toe to hip.

It's not like he learned any kind of lesson. By week 3 he could run in the cast and by week 7 I caught him jumping off the back of the sofa in it.


Oi.

****BTW, the title to this post almost went really really wrong. I am not feeling so well (thanks Rob) so if I seem a little dopey, I am.****

Take Me Out To The Ball Game...*hic*

Baseball has begun.


Magnuts had his first practice last night. This year MonkeyBoy will be playing too...turns out that unlike football their practices may or may not be at the same time and may or may not be in the same CITY. Joy.

Because Rob is temporarily working nights this means I get to do all of the driving and sitting and sweating and freezing that baseball practice entails, by myself.

It is not so bad as long as you are prepared. The trunk of my car has fold up chairs, gloves, baseballs, bats, a football and a TV.


Yeah, a TV. Hey, don't judge...Lost comes on during Thursday practice...sure I could record it...but given the options of watching them run laps for the 10th time or spending a little time with Sawyer McYummypants...you do the math. They should be glad I am not bringing a minibar.


Speaking of which-you parents that bring large cups that no one can see through, and get friendlier as everyone else gets sweatier...you are not fooling anyone. Don't bring it if you don't have enough to share...gah.


I'll bring the diet sprite...

Dear Jenny,

Re: Architeuthis

Last night we found ourselves in a TV void and ended up watching two hours of DSC. I have been reading The Bloggess and Mama Drama for long enough that I should have just turned away...but I didn't.

Two hours of giant squid. They discussed the fact that they had never seen a living one...as they were examining a 30 foot dead one.

They have all kinds of theories about their behavior in their natural habitat. They feel that the GiantSquid is a gentle giant. Shy and timid. Yeah...these are the same guys who tell us that rattlesnakes are more afraid of me than I am of them...

Timid my arse...and I knew this before the end of the show. It has an eye the SIZE OF A HUMAN HEAD and 26 foot long tentacles with hundreds of suckers on them...and they are not just suckers, each suction cup has a rigid serrated ring around it...to dig into it's prey's flesh...

You should have seen this poor Sperm Whale's head. He had giant circular scars from an encounter with one of the GiantSquidsOfDeath.

In the end they reeled up a camera that had been sitting 3000 feet down in the ocean....and an extremely long, still moving, tentacle. After close examination of the footage from the camera they have determined that the GSOD is no gentle giant. It is a fast moving, aggressive, squishy killer.

I had bad dreams.

I should have listened.

What do I do now?

Please advise...