Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The cup is half full...but it chafes like a mutha....

Both boys are playing fast pitch ball this year so I brought up the "cup issue" with Rob. Should they be wearing cups, and what kind, and how do you "size" something like that without feeling like a total perv.?

Rob argued that the only person that should be wearing a hard cup is the catcher...that they are extremely uncomfortable and not necessary for any of the other players. He told me that if I insisted that I should get them something called a "soft cup." Unfamiliar with this I had questions...

Me-How do you wear something like that?
Rob-In a jock just like the hard kind...
Me-So over the underpants??
Rob-No, just the two straps around their rumps and the cup in front..
Me-And then the underpants on top?
Rob-NO, no underpants...

Well how 'boutcha now...no underpants and tight white baseball pants...brings the "did you forget to wipe" issue to a whole new level.

So.......I was in the sporting goods store I thought I would take a look. They have quite a selection. A young SalesGirl, sensing my confusion, came to offer assistance. She started whipping the things out of their packages (ahem) and squeezing them to demonstrate their flexibility. There is a trend towards a less rigid cup, and there was this one that she said could actually create a suction like connection.

Hmmmm...I can just picture it now. Y'all know those little suction cup hooks you can buy to hang stuff on in your bathroom? You know how you wet the little cup before you attach it to the wall so that it creates a stronger connection? Consider the suction athletic cup and the sweaty little boy wearing it...moisture + suction = painful crotchal hickey...if you can unstick it.

The SalesGirl held up another model and told me that it also comes in a size for....wait for it.....WOMEN. Yes, women. I was stunned and then I started laughing...uncontrollably. SalesGirl did not find this funny...."HEY Lady...this is for real, girls can get hurt there too..."

I continued to laugh, tears running down my face. I don't know exactly why this was so funny but her serious tone did not help matters. "LADY...if a girl gets hit there she can BREAK STUFF."

I had to leave.

Since I am probably no longer welcome at that store I decided to look on-line. There is a company called NuttyBuddy...they claim to make the most comfortable cup out there. It comes in 4 different sizes...the Hammer, the Boss, the Hog and the Mongo.

I just don't know if I can bring myself to say, "Hey MonkeyBoy, Mama got you a NuttyBuddy Hammer..."

I am at a loss...Do I go with a SuctionCup and just stock up on baby powder and buy MonkeyBoy a shoe horn? Should I just suck up and buy the Hammer? If you have any experience with this please share.


Sandy said...

OMG, that's funny stuff! I have no advice 'cause I raised girls but that's funny stuff.

katfish said...

all i could think about is, if they can make those suckers (no pun intended) stick to some sweaty nuts and stay there, why the hell can't they do that for women in strapless dresses?!?!?! I tell ya why, men make that shit!!!

Leigh said...

Oh, stop, stop, strop so I can breathe! Oh, the tears they floweth! A crochal hickey, nutty buddy, just stop now. Ahhhhh!

Aimee said...

um, yeah, I have no advice. Just laughter.

Anonymous said...

There was a NATIONAL news story that talked about the Nuttybuddy Mongo
and I dang near wrecked my van plus
I was crying/laughing so hard I couldn't see to drive
what made it worse I thought about
Mongo from Mel Brooks movie Blazing Sattles